HiKaku Paperwork
by Hyoukai a.k.a Itachsforever
Summary: Another day of Kakuzu in the office... and Hidan is a bit too horny for his own good. This originally started out as a request for a KakuHi fluff. Well, look how that turned out. Now It is a 4-page HiKaku lemon.


_I absolutely hate all of this paperwork_ Kakuzu sighed to himself as he leveled out a stack of papers on his desk. Pein hadn't hesitated to assign the banker infinite amounts of documents to file and validate; he had a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with his outburst about the 13.78 budget raise. Now he needed to pay for a new desk for the leader and spend the entire day in the office.

There was a knocking at the door. _Great,_ the financier mumbled through his mask, _probably more of this goddamned paperwork…_

To his surprise, it wasn't his leader, rather, his partner. _Funny. Since when does Hidan knock?_

It was true: Hidan never knocked. The masochist had barged in on times when others were screwing; causing many an awkward silence, followed by him being impaled with anything the couple could use to get the Jashinist away. The banker was often annoyed when his partner would crash into his room, complaining about how he got a pen thrown his cock.

Kakuzu's partner kept his eyes on his feet, which he shuffled nervously on the carpet. Every couple of moments Hidan' violet gaze would meet the banker's. The Jashinist was playing koi; Kakuzu found it aggravating.

Kakuzu was used to his partner to how he normally was, driving the rest of Akatsuki crazy with his noisy ramblings about his deity. Kami forbid that you even think about mentioning the blood on the walls, floors, and upholstery – that would earn you a few choice words.

"Okay, who the hell are you and where is the real Hidan?" the banker asked with a wry smile forming underneath his mask.

Hidan's shy look melted away, leaving his typical glare. "Thanks for ruining the fucking mood, asshole!"

_At least he's back to normal.._ Kakuzu knew it was easiest to get to Hidan if he was in his ordinary mood; otherwise it was awkward to talk to the Jashinist. Now he just had to try and push Hidan away – that's the trick that always worked. It had been a few years that they have been partners, so the banker knew how to get the silver-haired man's attention and fondness. "Go away, Hidan. I have paperwork to do."

Kakuzu began to close the door in his partner's face, and – as expected – Hidan shouldered the banker aside. In two seconds, the Jashinist had flopped onto the bed, propping himself on his elbows. Ignoring the invader, Kakuzu pulled his chair back up to his desk, continuing to file the papers.

Over the course of the next few hours, Hidan remained in the room. The only sounds in the office were the dry rustling of paper and an occasional snort of impatience from the masochist, who couldn't seem to figure out where he wanted to sit.

Hidan had gotten up from the bed a few times, looked out the window, sat in the corner against the wall. Each time he moved, the Jashinist knocked something over, sending whatever it was crashing to the carpeted floor.

Kakuzu felt a light hit on the back of his head - _probably a wad of paper, knowing Hidan…_ - and played along, turning around just to see nobody behind him.

Another wad of paper hit the back of the banker's head – harder this time. "Over here, dumbass." Kakuzu turned in his chair to see Hidan sitting on the desk, a dirty smirk crawling across his face.

Before the banker could respond, Hidan ripped off his mask and locked him in a teeth-crashing kiss, sending assorted documents flaying across the room. Startled, Kakuzu moaned into the kiss in submission, allowing Hidan's tongue to explore every inch of his mouth, leaning back into the chair. Icy cold fingers traced along the stitches on his cheeks, making their way along Kakuzu's sides.

He couldn't help but gasp as a freezing cold hand shot down into his pants, breaking the kiss. "Kakuzu," Hidan smirked, licking his lips mischievously, fingering the banker's nether regions "I didn't know that you were already hard. What kind of 'paperwork' were you filing?"

The Jashinist's evil grin grew wider as he shoved his partner backwards onto the bed, covering Kakuzu's eyes with his headband. "Hidan, you fucker!" the banker screamed blindly, not knowing what to say out of shock. "You know that I have work to do!"

"That's just it, 'Kuzu. Me, the _fucker_." Even thought Kakuzu couldn't see Hidan, he knew that he must've been smiling maliciously from ear-to-ear. "You're exactly right, it's my turn now…" the Jashinist's cold breath whispered into Kakuzu's ear, sending icy shivers down his spine. There was a sudden shift in weight on the bed. "Hope you don't need this cloak, 'Kuzu."

"What?! What do you mean in tha-! _Ahh!_" Extreme pain ran up his chest as Kakuzu felt three sets of piercing cold metal slice through his cloak and skin. The banker was known for never showing any emotions – especially pain – but this was too unexpected. He felt hot and sticky as blood quickly began to cover his entire torso, then soaking into the bed supporting him.

Another hiss of pain escaped into the air of the room, this time from Hidan.

"Hidan?" Kakuzu's hazy green eyes looked around blindly, trying to see what was happening in the darkened world around him. Instead, three icy fingers landed on his lips.

"Suck" Hidan ordered, but he didn't wait for his partner. He shoved his digits deep into Kakuzu's mouth, making the banker gag, but he obediently rolled his tongue around the Jashinist's fingers. There was nothing else he could do, except cooperate. Kakuzu hated that word… "_cooperate_". He was usually the one that made Hidan cooperate, not the other way around.

Hidan withdrew his fingers from the banker's mouth, then pushed Kakuzu's legs into an uncomfortable angle. Only enough time for two breaths passed before Hidan jammed two fingers into Kakuzu's entrance. The banker screamed out in pain, tears running down his face. _Tears…_ Kakuzu thought to himself through the agony. He's never cried, even when he watched his parents die before him, not a single teardrop had fallen from his eyes. Now Kakuzu couldn't stop – it was too much.

"For Jashin's sake, 'Kuzu," Hidan grunted, stretching his partner before sliding in the third finger – earning another wail from the man below him, "I can't believe that you're my partner."

"FUCK!" Kakuzu screamed again as spots flashed across his blinded vision.

Hidan's crept across his, removing his fingers from his partner. He shoved Kakuzu's legs apart even more. Without any form of warning, the Jashinist thrust himself into Kakuzu. The banker howled, feeling beads of sweat well up on his face – he was unable to tell if was from him being nervous, pain, or…ipleasure/i. He never knew what it was like to have someone inside of him – and Hidan was a decent size for his… size.

"Jeez, Kakuzu," Hidan panted, "You are too fucking tight for your own good." Each time he thrust in, he hit his mark, making the man below him scream and unseeingly wrap his arms around Hidan's neck. To tease, Hidan slowed down, barely even moving before stopping.

Then Kakuzu made a sound – barely even a whisper – under his breath. "What is that, 'Kuzu?" Hidan asked grinning. "Couldn't hear you."

"Don't… stop.."

Sorry, I guess I'm starting to go deaf." Hidan pushed him more, trying to get the banker to fall right into the palm of his hand. "Say it again, louder this time."

"**Don't stop!**" Kakuzu demanded, his voice seeming to echo in the small bedroom. "**Fuck me 'til I can't walk!!**"

Hidan began to pull out of his partner, but a thick black thread coiled around his neck, drawing him closer to the banker. "You'd better not stop now," Kakuzu whispered into Hidan's ear, pushing back his stringy silver hair, "Or I will.." The grip around the Jashinist's neck tightened, cutting off his flow of air, driving across the meaning of Kakuzu's unfinished sentence.

The masochist smirked and uncovered Kakuzu's hazy green eyes, which seemed to burn straight through his soul. It turned him on; they were both so heartless but shared the best relationship possible. Hidan drew his partner into another kiss as he thrust in even deeper, nailing Kakuzu's sweet spot hard, earning another moan of pleasure.

Hidan planned to do anything but stop until he got what he wanted. It wasn't long before Kakuzu's screaming filled the room. "HIIDDAANN!"

The banker's cum covered his chest, sending Hidan into bliss as he climaxed a moment later. Warmth seeped into Kakuzu's body as he felt the Jashinist fill him up completely. He was a bit disappointed when Hidan pulled out of him and collapsed onto the bed beside him, exhausted.

Instead of complaining, Kakuzu cuddled up close to Hidan, running his fingers across his defined muscles. "Hidan -" the silver haired cocked a crimson eye at him "-this has been the best night of my life. Just promise me something…"

"Anything, 'Kuzu."

"Promise me that you will still be here in the morning." Kakuzu whispered, giving his partner and uke-ish look.

Hidan smiled and hugged the banker back. "I promise."

Satisfied, Kakuzu closed his emerald eyes, letting darkness consume him once more.

**The Next Morning**

"_Ahh, fuck!_"

Kakuzu hissed in pain as he limped into the room. Eight sets burned into his skin as he hobbled the the table, shooting a steely glare at Hidan. Pein looked as if he had stopped in mid-sentence, but he turned to look at Kakuzu with a smirk.

"So, how did the paperwork go?"


End file.
